Undoing and re-creating your history
Take your mind back to your earliest childhood memories. If you can’t
remember your own childhood then think about your own children or any
young child. In those early years we were as true to ourselves as we will
We learn more in our first 5 years than we do in the rest of our lives. That’
s amazing considering that we do not know the language, we do not know
the social requirements and we are totally incapable of providing for
ourselves. We have no income, no real talent or skills, and no personal
possessions. I’ll say it again, because I really want you to get it, you
probably learnt and achieved more in the first 5 years of your life than in
all the years that follow.
At that time of life we were all equal. We lived in the present moment and
we trusted that all of our needs would be met. If we needed or wanted
something, we communicated those needs and continued to do so until we
got what we wanted.
We were hungry for knowledge and excited about everything. We trusted
everyone and totally believed in ourselves.
We learned to speak, walk, eat and play. We tied knots, buttoned shirts
and put on socks. Most of us learned to swim or ride a bike, catch and
throw balls, dance, sing, skip, run and jump. We learned about colours,
shapes, numbers and the alphabet. Many of us could write, draw and
paint. We enjoyed every day, never worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.
We had little or no fear, guilt, self-doubt or judgements.
We never considered that we couldn’t do things. We all fell down many
times when we began to walk. We never considered that we should give up
and accept that it couldn’t be done. There is nothing you have ever
learned that you perfected the first time that you tried it. You learned what
you know for one reason, and that is that you believed in yourself and you
kept on until you got it right.
If you consider what you were able to achieve within the first five years with
no experience at all, then imagine what you could do now with all the
knowledge, experience and resources that you have. All you need is to
return to believing in yourself.
The greatest handicaps that we all have are the layers and layers of
conditioning and baggage that have been piled on top of us.
That beautiful, talented, brilliant child that you were has been smothered
and retarded by mis-information, humiliation, restrictions, criticism and
boredom. Schools teach us a lot of great stuff, but unfortunately they also
teach us about failure, comparison, unfairness and quite often cruelty. For
many people school and childhood are the original sources of self-doubt. I
have never known such cruelty and injustice as I found during my school
Childhood can be a time of personality, character and humanness
assassination, a breeding ground for the destruction of the spirit.
Life presents many joys and heartache. Every experience, thought,
emotion and action in your past has created the person that you are
today. The good and the bad were equally important in moulding who and
what you are today. If you stop resenting and carrying your past pains you
might consider them to be your ‘Rites of Passage’.
Sometimes bad things happen for good reasons and shouldn’t be
regretted. Often, it is the hardships that give us the most valuable aspects
At some point, and I hope that point is now, we must stop and address
where we are and where we are headed. This is a, important crossroad,
the point at which we need to ask, “What needs to be released? What am I
carrying that is too heavy and restrictive? What aspects of myself are
holding me back?”
Many people are carrying such heavy loads that they can hardly breathe!
Suicide has reached epidemic proportions in the Western world. Drugs,
alcohol, cigarettes, food, sex, work and gambling addictions have become
so common that almost everyone has at least one of these afflictions
ruining their lives right now.
It’s easy to look at the drug addict or alcoholic and make your judgement,
but what are you currently using to medicate or tranquillise yourself with?
If you seriously wish to find happiness and fulfilment in your life you will
need to be honest with yourself and seriously consider what you need to
be let go. It’s not about what you have had happen, it’s about what you
have kept and continued to carry.
No one and nothing will ever hurt you as much as you have hurt
People and events can hurt you deeply. One minute of criticism, anger,
ridicule or cruelty can travel with you for years. It can change you on the
deepest levels, affecting your personality and even changing the course of
your life. But is it the event or is it the time and emotion that you, yourself,
have put into it that changed you?
Maybe only a small percentage of your limitations originated at the event.
Perhaps you, re-living the event over and over IN YOUR MIND, maintained
most of your limitations.
We all have wisdom with hindsight
I once confronted my father about childhood issues that I had with him. He
was deeply hurt and struggled to explain himself. He simply said, "I did the
best that I could, with the limited knowledge I had, at that particular point in
time". Many years later, my own son came to me and confronted me with
things from his childhood that he held me responsible for. I remembered
my father’s words and I said to my son, "I did the best that I could with the
limited knowledge I had at that point in time".
Your father may have abandoned you as a child. It is not your fault. You
are not responsible and you cannot undo it. Drinking yourself into a stupor
will not have him re-emerge from the bottom of the bottle and give you
back your childhood.
Your husband may have left you destitute. It is not because you are
unlovable. There are probably thousands of reasons for his behaviour.
You may never know what those reasons were. It will appear to be about
the last fight or the last disappointment, but it is not. It’s about everything
that made him who and what he was at that time. It is not your fault. Do you
think you can eat until the pain stops? You cannot eat him back, so why
are you continuing to stuff food into your body? It will not change the fact
that he has gone.
You may have been humiliated in third grade, but you are now 34 years
old. That humiliation may be the core reason why you gave up trying new
things. That one moment in time shaped the rest of your life. That one
moment is behind every failure that followed, because you unconsciously
decided to maintain it in your psyche. It’s killing you. Let it go!
People and experiences can hurt you and permanently damage you. What
is - is! If it could have been changed then you probably would have
changed it before now. Some things cannot be undone. You must decide
to let them go and leave them at the original source.
Somewhere, as you sit reading this, there may be someone holding a gun
to their head about to end their life. This can be the tragic result of how
someone can accept layers and layers of incorrect information about
This may be an extreme example and I don’t mean to freak you out. I really
want you to see how important it is to let go of all the things that you have
carried for far too long. If you believe that you are unlovable or unworthy,
then the belief is wrong. It only takes one minute for an event to destroy
you. It also only takes one minute for you to decide what beliefs you will
validate or carry. It is rarely about what’s happening. It is more likely about
what we decide to believe and how far and how long we decide to carry it.
Many of our insecurities and fears originated in false information
Think about the thoughts and beliefs that you hold which are not valid.
They serve no purpose, are totally untrue, unfair, and down-right stupid.
How many years have you carried these? How much longer will you
continue to be influenced by them?
You could challenge and eliminate them. It is possible and quite easy to
make a decision to create new and better belief systems.
Imagine what would have happened if you had the tools as a child to say
to that teacher or parent, “You're wrong about that, you’ve made a mistake
and you have shown me your ignorance. I will not be taking it with me!”.
Imagine, if you had been able to say to your cheating husband, “You’ve
made a big mistake here and I’m thankful to be cutting you loose!”.
Imagine, if every time you failed at something you said to yourself, “Well
that doesn’t work, what else can I try?"
You could do that now, you know. You could do that all of the time. That’s
how your future could be - if you loved yourself.
Love attracts love. It starts from the inside and then works its way out. It's
then and only then that it can gather to itself and be returned. It's very true
that the more love you give away the more will come back to you. Be in
love with yourself, let yourself love life and all that it encompasses. Why
wait for someone or some later time, when you have all the love that you
need within yourself right now?
Your life's purpose
We all wonder what our life's purpose is, what we are here to be or what
we are meant to do. It's very simple - you are here to be you. There are
countless billions of people on the planet with many similarities and many
differences, but there is only one you.
The lives of your parents and ancestors have been passed to you like a
baton in a relay race. You have some handicaps and some advantages.
Good things and bad things will come your way. Some people will lift you
up and some will push you down. This race is entirely your experience. Not
one other person in the history of the world has your entire, unique make-
You are not here to be ‘the assistant’ in someone else's life. You are here
to be you. You have your own unique DNA, personality, experiences and
emotional and physical history. There are countless influences that make
you who, what and how you are. Absolutely no one knows more about you
than you do.
So, be yourself and no one can tell you that you are doing it wrong
If you spend any time thinking that you are less valuable or worthy than
anyone else, then it's your thinking that is wrong. In life, we have many
baited lines thrown to us. With a little attention we can be prepared for
them and take the time to decide which ones will hurt us and which ones
will feed us. You have the power to decide which ones you will grab and
which ones you will run with.
A Soaring Eagle pays no mind to the opinions of the lowly ground
A butterfly starts out as a grub. It is really limited. Of all the creatures, I
guess it’s the one that has the least going for it. It’s plain, untalented and
at the bottom of the food chain. It’s the most likely creature to be eaten up
by just about everything, it has very few defences.
A grub goes through a stage of being totally bound and locked up in
darkness. It can’t move, it is in total bondage and stillness. It’s in this
darkness that the metamorphosis begins. Imagine the immense struggle,
danger and fear involved in having to push itself out of that cocoon.
Imagine if he decided at this stage it was all too hard and just gave up.
When he finally emerges he does so with great beauty and so
much potential that... he can fly!
Copyright Sonya Green
|How to Love and be Loved.
Mending a broken heart, fear of love and learning to love
Finding a soul mate and true love.
Download Healing Meditation CD from Itunes
Insightful and thought provoking articles
on personal growth and healing
~ SONYA GREEN
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