Love. You may notice that I made that an entire sentence. That one little four-letter
word can easily be a sentence on its own, an entire book, or the meaning of life. I doubt
there has ever been a person on this planet who has not at some stage pondered the
meaning of this little word. People have lived for it and people have died for it.
Love and God are probably the two words that encompass infinite
Most commonly we think of love as being ‘In love’ with another person or being loved by
another person. At the big end of the scale we often refer to our greatest love as our
Being in love can make ‘Your Heart Sing’.
Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your soul has had all the lights
Love is so profound, complex and illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of
As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more
important aspect of love: ‘Self-Love.’
Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking in authenticity.
Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger
to know ourselves; to feel connected, valued, secure and important. We all struggle to
understand ourselves. However, rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to
consider the possibility and yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is
the knowledge of the possibility that we could and should.
Imagine your own potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did
indeed truly love yourself.
Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or arrogance.
Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to
hide the fact that we are insecure.
Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity.
How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe that we are something
less than perfect?
We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to. Sometimes it’s a matter of self-
preservation but mostly it’s just social conditioning. It's funny really to consider that we
are all searching for our soul-mate from behind our masks.
How will they know us? How will we know them if we are both hiding? Usually we don’t
even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to
see us as authentic.
If you seriously want to create loving relationships in your life, then you must first stop
and consider who and what you truly are.
Like attracts like
You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people keep a mental list of
attributes of their ideal lover, things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, funny,
interesting or good with kids. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer, it’s not going
to happen. If it does, it won’t last unless you are compatible with this list.
If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you will attract the
person who is similar to your real self not your phoney-self. You may meet Mr.
Wonderful, but I assure you that he will be Mr. Phoney Wonderful. I suspect that you
have already met him. You have probably met him many times and you will continue to
meet him, because you are Ms. Phoney Wonderful.
First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, I’m talking
about what you think he is going to bring into your existence. Is he offering you
affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self- esteem, approval, happiness or
entertainment? Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy?
Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life and how you can get
some if not all of them by yourself. What’s preventing you? Do you think it would be
easier to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to
bring them in yourself? Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr.
Many women have found that Mr. Wonderful simply brought nothing more than an
appetite for food and loads of dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that
Be who and what you are looking for
Mr. handsome, rich, talented, witty, considerate, kind and loyal is not looking for Ms.
bored, critical, unhappy and destitute.
Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone else has someone special
and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, many of those people are
somewhere between meeting a replica and leaving a replica. What does the divorce
rate tell you? It says that of all those people believed that they had found a soul-mate
and that all of those people discovered that they had not.
The mask has to come off and when it does, it’s devastating. We blame ourselves, we
blame our lovers, but no one is to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion
of whom we thought we were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be
The longing and the knowing that love is available to you, is your own voice calling for
you to step up and love yourself.
If you really want to love and be loved, you must first meet with your authentic self. You
will need to peel away the layers of protection and conditioning. Let go of self-doubt,
drop the pretend you, and start feeding your soul by being your authentic self.
I don’t know how or why we have been so minimized or why we have become so
disconnected from ourselves, but the time has come to re-claim ourselves and put
ourselves back together.
Are you brave enough to give yourself a voice, stand up for yourself and eliminate self-
criticism and disrespect?
Would you be willing to try new things and allow yourself to fail, but still keep on until
you achieved your goals?
Is it possible that you might make your home beautiful, comfortable and enjoyable for
Could you spend time alone and entertain, enjoy, create and relax with yourself?
What would happen if you got to know your body and felt pleased and fascinated by it?
Perhaps you could marvel at its perfection and magnificence, feed it well, give it
pleasure, move it and challenge it.
What if you dumped all of those energy vampires you call friends? Those people who
bring you down and suffocate you.
If you were really tired and stressed, would it be a possibility that you could go to a spa,
have a massage, stop working and go out to play?
What are the chances that you might change jobs, move to another town, take up
acting or dancing, or buy some great music or clothes?
Can you tell jokes, bring positive up-lifting conversations to your table and inspire or
motivate people, including yourself?
Can you dismiss, walk away, or insist that people stop bringing you down with their
gossip, sarcasm, negativity and doom and gloom?
Can you or will you stop beating yourself up and hurting yourself?
What if you took all of those painful memories and decided that they are not little
movies to re-run over and over. Would you or could you decide to turn them off the
minute they came up?
What if you started making thoughtful and special meals for yourself?
What would happen if you decided to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to
Isn't it possible to be in love with yourself?
Wouldn’t you be willing to supply all of the above to Mr. Wonderful if he walked in? Why
are you less considerate of yourself?
Why have we never been taught or encouraged to love, honour and cherish ourselves?
In fact we have been taught exactly the opposite, haven't we?
Undoing and re-creating your history...
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|How to Love and be Loved.
Mending a broken heart, fear of love and learning to love
Finding a soul mate and true love.
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