Reinventing myself personal growth program
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Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
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Most of my childhood friends were boys.  I can’t remember who I had my
first crush on but I know that my first love was Robert Taylor. We were
almost ten years old.

Robert was the show off clown kind of kid and he made me laugh. He
would mimic teachers, do crazy dances, try to walk on his hands, juggle
oranges, sing me the jingles from ads on TV and tease me until I giggled.

Things got serious between us one Monday morning when he showed up
with a packet of sherbet, which had a plastic ring attached to a plastic
spoon. He broke the ring from the spoon, handed me the sherbet and
then went down on one knee and sang, “I’ve got a lovely bunch of
coconuts" to me. He then, very seriously, placed the plastic engagement
ring on my finger.

I later learned that he got his romantic education from an Elvis movie the
previous Saturday afternoon. For those too young to remember, almost
all of those movies consisted of love songs and ended with an
engagement ring. Robert only knew one song at the time.

Going steady meant we tried to sit together in class, passed notes with
love hearts and our initials and played handball at lunch time. I wanted
him to kiss me, he never did and I was relieved.

Our relationship ended when he went on to high school and I had to
repeat a class. I was devastated; by having to repeat, by losing him and
the humiliation of being left behind because I was too dumb to go up a
class.

I hung out at the local park on week ends hoping to accidently run into
him but he never showed up. I heard he had joined the Salvation Army
Band and had to play or practice on Saturdays and go to church on
Sundays.

Craig Ricks lived a few houses up from me and used to hang out at the
park as well. We had been mates for as long as I could remember, and
we would sit on the swings and talk about everything and anything. Craig
had moved on to high school as well, but he still had plenty of time for
me. Craig taught me how to compose a limerick; he really impressed me
and he could limerick just about anything.

Craig was a very thin boy with bucked teeth and he spoke in a quiet
girlish voice. I didn’t even notice any of that until one day my father said
he didn’t like me spending so much time with that queer kid. I remember
having a huge defiant argument about it and my father said he was a
little poof. When I found out what that meant I hated my father for saying
it, it was horrible and not true and we were only ten years old and that
was just disgusting.

I was thinking about Robert winning me with the ring and the sherbet, so I
got together with Craig and handed him a 9ct gold wedding ring which I
had bought for ten dollars. I had stolen the money from my father and
Craig was nervous and didn’t want any part of it. I pleaded with him until
he finally gave in and agreed to take the ring to Robert on my behalf.

Mrs Ricks was a big loud woman and when I heard her angry voice
spewing into the lounge room I knew I was in big trouble. She was purple
with rage as she screeched at my mother, shaking her fist towards me.

It turned out that she had found the gold ring in Craig’s pocket and when
she demanded to know where he got it he would not tell her. She
accused him of stealing it and threatened to give him a hiding but he
refused to tell her. She belted him until he told her the real story. All of
these years later, I still feel sick inside if this memory shows up. I also
copped a belting, however that is long forgotten, but the feelings about
Craig stays with me.

When I did see him the next time, he was so sweet and sensitive, he told
me that Robert did not want the ring and he wanted me to leave him
alone. I cried and stayed in my room listening to love songs on the radio
for days. I didn’t see much of Craig after that and I always felt ashamed
when I did. I didn’t see Robert until many years after.

Coincidently both Craig and Robert became musicians and although they
played in different bands I ran across them within weeks of each other at
the same venue. Robert played sax and was lead singer and had a
gaggle of girls hanging around the stage, I was too cool to be a part of
that so I just nodded towards him and smiled. I didn’t ever speak with him
and I was sorry that I didn’t as I heard a year or so later that he had
hanged himself and no one knows why. Everyone said he was always
happy and joking and fooling around.

When I saw Craig he was lead singer with a gay band, a good band and
alternative. I was still too embarrassed to walk up to him, but I was really
pleased that he had found his people and was doing what he was meant
to do. I thought he would go on to big things.

Over the years, I have thought about Craig often, I would look him up
when I went back to our hometown and in recent years I have keyed his
name into Google and Facebook. It’s not just that I want to say sorry, I
really wanted him to know that of all the people I’ve ever met he is one
that I always think of with deep affection and respect.

Last year I heard through a friend of a friend that Craig is living in a
homeless shelter. Apparently he had had many knocks and heartbreaks
along the way. He didn’t become a superstar, he became an alcoholic
and a drug addict and apparently he avoids people by moving frequently.
This is rumour of course, and I am not making any qualified statement.

But, if by chance you should come across him, tell him that I remember
him well, with admiration, and let him know:
that I still rhyme
and he is a friend of mine.


Copyright Sonya Green
www.reinventingmyself.com
Reinventing Myself - Sonya Green

My first Love

Looking back on childhood friendships
and wondering where people end up.

sonya green
reinventingmyself.com
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