I was so offended and hurt when you accused me of being ‘vacuous’. I
wanted to shoot you down and whip you in my defense, I could also have
slashed you with words and kicked you to the floor in retaliation.
I said nothing. You closed down and walked away. Your silence and body
language told me that you prided yourself on your intellect and ‘did not
suffer fools gladly’, I was dismissed as an ‘air-head’, ignorant, apathetic,
self-centred; a peace loving mung bean from hippyville. I heard you
thinking something along the lines of ‘…pearls before swine’. I heard you
silently vow to yourself that your superior opinions would not venture out
in my presence.
I thought about what you said. I thought about the conversations and
your reaction to me. I thought about it a lot, but I said nothing. I just sat
swinging on the seat at the back of the house ‘feeling’ my thoughts and
observing my responses. I looked under, over and behind my thoughts
and your words. You watched me cynically and I was aware that you were
wondering if I was sitting there ‘spaced out and thoughtless’ in my little
airy-fairy world. I had the impression that you were angry that I was not
doing something. Maybe you believe that stupid people, with no thoughts
or inane conversation or alternative/different opinions to yours, should
just keep busy. The King should think and the minions should work?
When I was younger, I knew just about everything about everything or at
least had an opinion about most things. I ate up information and
regurgitated it with passion and certainty. Politics, religion, philosophy
and current affairs seemed to impress or stimulate the debates at dinner
parties and bonded friendships, cementing them by the exchange of like-
minded ideas and ideals.
(Truth is, most of our knowledge came from repeating what we had
gathered from television and reading newspapers. Rarely did we speak
from personal experience or question the validity of the information)
How or why we weren’t running the world from those dinner parties is a
mystery to me. So convinced were we that ‘The Others’ were stupid,
power-hungry and greedy. The Others were politicians, society and
people from other countries, religions or ‘different points of view’.
Although we had all of the answers and all of the solutions, I don’t
remember ever voicing our knowledge to The Others. We just got drunk,
angry, depressed, overwhelmed and afraid for ourselves, our planet and
our future. None of us, to my knowledge ever marched in a protest or
wrote a letter or petition to anyone. Not one of us entered politics or
joined any overseas relief organization. We probably never even donated
anything other than coins to the occasional Red Cross Appeal. Quite
frankly, we were as hypocritical and self righteous as every one else.
Basically, we were a bunch of critics, whining about everyone else and
patting ourselves on our collective backs for our superior observations.
When we weren’t angry with The Others, we would sometimes turn on our
own. Occasionally one of us posed a lateral viewpoint. Rarely was this
viewpoint fully expressed before an argument broke out, pecked to death
by the angry mob, sometimes to the point of things being smashed, fists
pounding down and even the occasional fight. Yes, we love our own
opinions, like hungry dogs guarding their bones we fight for the right to
I don’t know if it was time, or maturity, or just a changing world, but I
somehow came to ponder the authenticity of my own thoughts. Someone
once quoted that there was no such thing as an original thought. I
thought about that a lot. I really, really wanted to have an original
thought. I studied my thoughts and the words of others in search of an
original thought, just thinking about thinking but every thought that I had
turned out to be just another implant.
Now if you really want to ‘do your head in’, try and grasp the enormity of
that unoriginal thought. Everything we think is an implant from an external
source. We do not think our own thoughts. We compile our ideas from an
Our perception, comprehension, judgments and belief system are
compilations of generic knowledge. Depending on things like past
experience, our parental influences, schooling, social, cultural and
geographic environments, peer opinion, media and laws, just to name a
few. We are pretty much pre-programmed units operating as virtual
At some point, it did occur to me that I should try and work out what I
would believe. More accurately, what would truth be to me if I could
somehow question my automatic responses and attempted, at least, to
choose or be selective about what was true for me.
One of the first exercises I gave myself was to find the original point of
conception of my strongly held beliefs, trying to remember a time or an
incident in which something new had speared into my consciousness and
held firm. This is important, because infinite bytes of information float
around the universe in an endless stream of information. Most of this
information will not make it into my mind. Most of this information is just
like billions of sperm looking for an egg. I wanted to dissect the thoughts
which made me – me.
If, I decided, that all of my beliefs were implants and, if I were to find the
point of conception and, if I were able to reappraise their validity, could I
recreate who and what and how I am? In effect, could I re-create myself?
One of the first things that I discovered was that my most highly charged
or deeply held beliefs were emotionally activated, strong beliefs were not
really just thoughts or opinions at all - they were emotional reactions.
Emotion drove my passions, i.e. the fires within me which activated my
sense of reality.
My boss once placed a huge vase of dahlias on my desk; she stood back
admiringly and exclaimed, “Aren’t they the most magnificent flowers that
you have ever seen?” I surprised both of us when I pushed back and
said, “No, I hate them. They are angry and frightening. I hate dahlias”.
Later that day, I found myself thinking about a home that I had lived in
when I was about 4 years old. I remembered standing at the back door
watching my mother in the garden. She angrily yelled at me to get back
inside and close the door. When she came in, she looked very strange;
she was highly agitated and speaking in a voice that I had not heard
before. She had a glass jar and inside the jar was a funnel web spider,
the meanest, ugliest, scariest spider that I had ever seen. She held my
arm tightly and insisted that I must be very careful of this dangerous
creature. She also insisted that I must never ever go near the flowers in
the garden, the dahlia garden - the garden which grew funnel web
This is just one example of ‘the point of conception’. My child’s
interpretation laid down the foundation for a fear that I would carry
unquestioned until the day of the dahlias on the desk: “Dahlias grow
spiders which kill you!”
This might not be a life changing example of mind-works, but it is how we
form our beliefs and opinions which make us and shape us. Emotionally
charged experiences, and the immaturity or lack of wisdom to interpret
information are how most of us conceived our strongly held beliefs and
opinions. The big issue is, “How much of our thinking is based on
incorrect, immature, contaminated or just plain dangerous information?”
We are all a bit quirky at best. Some of us are aware of our emotional
baggage or our inner demons. It seems to me that there are plenty of
loose cannons amongst us. Yes, and I also have my judgments about
who is outright stupid, mentally unhinged or maybe even ‘vacuous!’
Click the NEXT BUTTON to part 2.
Copyright Sonya Green 2008
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|I am Right - You are Wrong.
Fighting for the right to be right
Are our beliefs our own or just implants?
part 1 of 2. by sonya green
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