Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
If you feel this website has inspired you or resonated with you or if you found yourself thinking about someone who
would benefit from visiting these pages -
Trust Your Intuition and send them the link.

If you would like to copy an article to your site or blog, you are welcome to do so, but must note copyright Sonya
Green and refer to
www.reinventingmyself.com

If you would like to support this site you might consider emailing in suggestions or comments, a small donation,
purchasing a product or visiting the links to our sponsors.
I spoke with a guy named John who is a therapist and healer of sorts. He
has a talent for pulling out subconscious beliefs and emotional wounds. I
cried through most of the two hours we spent together and yet I came
away feeling lighter freer and happier. I wanted to explore the possibility
that illness and disease often has an emotional cause or influence.

My friend Jan asked me what my long term goals were and I couldn’t come
up with anything meaningful. She mentioned she was excited and
motivated and passionate about her work, world travel, renovating her
home and investing in property and later moving interstate to be with
family and friends. Listening to her speak I realized that I had become
very comfortable and probably lacked passion. I argued that I was content
but she did make me wonder if perhaps my contentment was just another
way of saying “Is that all there is?” Of course the big question behind all
the questioning was really “How passionate am I about living or more
succinctly do I want to stay or go?”

‘Of course I want to live’ is a hard response to be open-minded about; we
just assume that we do. I love life, I love my family and friends and I love
my home and my work.

My session with John revealed that I was also quite comfortable about
dying. I felt a sense of curious anticipation and in a way I saw death as a
reward or achievement, rather than any kind of failure. Naturally I had
fears about pain and suffering but the actual death thing seemed like
nothing more than passing through a veil and going home. Timing
seemed to be the biggest disappointment; that is, that death is fine, but
just not now – later. Guilt seemed to be the strongest emotion I felt; I really
felt that I would be hurting everyone I cared about. I felt so ashamed that I
would leave people who counted on me, like I was breaking a promise or
being irresponsible or insensitive to the love and support that we shared.

I don’t want to be a really old lady living in a corpse. I don’t want to be the
last one left. Dying old and alone and frail and probably broke is an awful
concept, so I guess, I do have a preference for dying young – but, not this
young – sometime later, but not too much later.

I also compared merits of a fast and unexpected death as opposed to a
long or predictable death. Getting your house in order before you leave
has advantages. Saying goodbye to loved ones, releasing old
resentments, destroying diaries, paying bills, writing a will and making
sure all the undies are clean.

I gave all of this quite a lot of thought and analysis but in the end I realized
that although I certainly did hold fears about death and dying, they were
not really my true expectations and I don’t believe that I am unconsciously
willing myself to die. All in all, I am not through yet, and I am not discontent
or bored with life. Things do disappoint me but I am not disappointed in
life itself. I do think it’s good to bring these things up and reappraise them.
So much of our thinking is space junk floating around in our minds, but
when I dissected it all, I knew that I did not believe that death is a matter of
suffering or defeat.

When I am ready to go, I believe that I will do so consciously and with
ease.

One of the greatest things about meditation is that I experience myself as
something other than a physical body.  Every day, I am reminded that I am
an energy form and every day I practice staying in that awareness as
much as I can.  It helps me to feel more fearless , connected and secure.

Occasionally I become a little wobbly, and this illness has pulled me into
the fascination of physical and emotional melodramas. When I am
balanced and operating from my centre, I don’t buy into all of this, but I do
think it is a good exercise to check in from time to time to release any old
baggage that might still be influencing my thoughts and reactions.

John also bought up issues about the breast symbolizing nurturing. We
talked about childhood situations in which I might have felt unprotected or
unsupported. We spoke about punishment and shame and how we often
over compensate as adults by trying to nurture or protect others. I have
recognized this in myself and have often had to pull myself back from
becoming exhausted by other people’s problems. My thoughts on this are
that if you suffered abuse in your childhood you develop a strong instinct
for danger. I have a highly developed intuition and have noticed that most
psychics or healers also have a background of childhood punishment or
abuse.

It might be viewed as empathy or compassion or it might be an
subconscious desire to take on someone else’s suffering. I will often feel
pain in my body or a sense of sadness which I know is not my own. There
is also the psychological response of looking after everyone else first and
pushing down or denying our own needs. I’m not sure how great an
influence these things are in relation to breast cancer but I do see that,
bleeding out personal vitality, could very well show up as a physical
manifestation.

I have had to think long and hard about many things these past weeks.
How we perceive ourselves is often just a matter of comfortable wording.
Is it kindness, empathy or healing that I am offering or just a habit of
taking on too much of other peoples stuff? Am I content with life or is it
really a nice word for indifferent or bored? Am I guilty about letting people
down? Or Am I just making myself indispensable? Am I really helping
people or controlling them or avoiding my own stuff?

I’ll probably never come up with anything definite on these questions as it’
s probably all of that and more or perhaps even none of the above at all.
But, what I have recognized is that I must take better care of my own
needs and allow others to be more responsible for theirs. It’s a matter of
life and death for me now. John probably summed it up best when he said,
“You can teach a man to fish and he will have food forever, but it’s not
your job to drink the ocean just to make his fishing easier.”

I’m not about to go into any deep therapies or spend too much time
dissecting and analyzing these things. What I needed from this session
was to bring up and release anything which takes me away from loving
myself or my life. I have known this all along and I try to live my life in love,
gratitude and joy.

A few months ago, I would have argued that I had mastered this; my life
was very good and my health was getting better and better all of the time.
What cancer has done for me is laugh in my face and yell, “You ain’t even
close yet”. My ability to love has still been guarded. My attention to health
has been good, but a little complacent. I have had goals but they have
been hobbies rather than passions. I laugh and have fun but still
maintained cynicism and criticism. I have so much to be grateful for and
still manage to obsess about what I think I need. I am proud of myself, but
I am also very hard on myself. Of course this is human, but there is
nothing like a ‘Times Up’ card to gain immediate attention about what
matters.

Most of all I have had to teach myself to love my body. I feel like weeping
for myself and all of the other women who have and continue to have this
insane disrespect, disapproval and disconnection from their bodies.

I am angry with myself and angry with every person who ever stated or
suggested that a women’s body was not valuable or lovable if it isn’t
magazine replicated. I have sat each morning for weeks now, just tuning in
and speaking with my body. Initially I felt self-conscious and
uncomfortable. I had to pretend or imagine that I loved myself, as I kept
hearing those silly self criticisms rise to the surface. Today I am filled with
joy and admiration and appreciation; I am totally here, inside myself and
living in this minute.
© sonya green May 14th 2008

Copyright Sonya Green
www.reinventingmyself.com
Reinventing Myself - Sonya Green

Do I love my body?
Extract from the cancer diaries
(May 14th 2008)
by Sonya Green
“You can teach a man to fish and he will have food forever, but it’s not your job to drink the
ocean just to make his fishing easier.”

reinventingmyself.com
Download Healing Meditation CD from
Itunes
Reinventing Myself by Sonya Green
REINVENTING MYSELF
Insightful and thought provoking articles
on personal growth and healing
~ SONYA GREEN
Ebooks also available for download from Amazon  Barnes and Noble and most download
sites. Click the link top left or the book cover for more info.
Reinventing Myself by Sonya Green