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arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
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psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
Reinventing myself personal growth program
Guided Meditation C.D.s
Now available in Paperback
Creative Visualization guided meditation techniques
How to Meditate, what is a healing meditation like
Weight Loss and  Emotional eating
Fear of abandonment
Stress reduction
Vital Energy oxygen therapy and breathing
Soul Mates and self love
arthritis chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia
Self Esteem
heartbreak
White Light and healing energies
Spitituality without religeon
Happiness
what is love
Sex - What the women are saying now.
psychic Cords
Money Prosperity Wealth
Parents. Who are these aliens?
Incest
Living in the shadows
Affirmations and Mind Power
Words as Medicine
Absent Healing and Chakra Balance
Better Questions Better Solutions
Are we thinking our own thoughts?
Beauty Myth
bipolar
Inspirational quotes
Im right you're wrong
Letter to My son
Songs to make your heart sing
Contact Sonya Green
Sonya Green new articles
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Yesterday, I had amazing thoughts running through my head and I
wanted to write them down. My problem today is this: when I am in that
head-space, I am unable to get out of the creative brain and into the alert
brain. Good writing requires an alert brain but pure thought intuits from a
mediative state.

Today I am all set up and comfortable and I’m feeling energized and
motivated; all ready and willing to write down yesterday’s thoughts. They
have gone. No access. Oh, I have wisps and vague concepts but they
just won’t translate.

It would be easier if I wrote tutorials or reports. I could take notes or even
research and reword other people’s thoughts. That would be more like a
shopping list; you already have the skeleton; you just flesh it out to make
it your own.

Creative writing is very different. You observe a story in a dreamlike state
and you pull information through your senses. Your story is not narrated;
it is sometimes emotional, conversational or just a vague mental
observation. It’s like a movie in your mind, but to share your
interpretation, you need to define the sounds, colours, background and
the subtleties of what wasn’t said so much as understood or implied.
Without conveying the full spectrum, no-one else would understand your
experience. In which case, there is no point in telling the story – it’s just
another fluffed up shopping list.

I understand the two brain concept: the creative, intuitive and artistic right
brain and the intellectual, analytical, logical left brain. If I pull thoughts
from the right hemisphere and filter them through the left, then they
should be processed in such a way that they would pour effortlessly  
through my finger tips, onto the keyboard, and the translation should
appear on the screen - as brilliant copy.

I think there is more to it though, something other than brain shuffling. It’s
me. I could blow it off, as I usually do, as nothing more than a different
mood. Actually, everyday is a different mood. That’s reasonable, normal
and quite acceptable. We all observe our moods and vaguely skip over
any profound implications of what mood changes are all about: Oh, I’m
just in a funny mood today, we say: No, not today, I’m not in the mood.

I’m not a moody person, really, I’m pretty stable and predictable and I’d
describe myself as even-tempered.

I do think that other people are moody. Some people are so moody that
they scare me; manic moods; demonic possessions; smiling eyes that
play the music from Psycho; offers of poisonous apples...

It’s far more socially acceptable to say: I’m in an off mood today, than it is
to say, I’m possessed by evil spirits or that I could be bi-polar or
schizophrenic or a stark raving lunatic. It’s hard to explain why I don’t feel
or act like myself today; I don’t seems to know today what I knew
yesterday; can’t do what I used to do or for that matter, I don’t even look
like I did the day before.

Some days I look in the mirror and I look great. (I tear up and throw away
unflattering photographs of myself and only keep the ones that look like I
think I look like.) When the mirror reflects images that look like my
flattering photographs I believe I look like my true self. Some days
though, I look in the very same mirror and I look like the torn up photos. I
admit that the light in the bathroom is dim: It’s good lighting; other
lighting, which I refer to as harsh lighting, makes me look old and
haggard; almost like a caricature of my perceived pretty self.

I used to be able to make my face look good by applying make up. It was
fool-proof; a perfected art and a sure guarantee that anything could be
hidden or enhanced. These days I rarely use make up. My face has
changed and it reworks the clays and paints into something abstract and
I end up looking like a drag queen. Make up doesn’t work anymore.

There are two things which ‘woman of a certain age’ can rely on. One is
failing eyesight; an inbuilt soft focus lens; a wonderful, natural way to
airbrush the face. The other is a mental technique; you just look past or
through what you don’t wish to see or acknowledge. This technique
works best with the soft bathroom light and requires a head-up posture.
Don’t pull the chin towards the neck as it looks like you have jowls and a
double chin. If necessary nail the mirror at least 6 inches above your
head so you can only see yourself in a looking up position. This is good
for the eyes as well; lifts under eye bags and takes the shadow away
from dark circles. Never allow your eyelids to claim a lazy reclining pose
onto the eyelashes. They do that you know - treat your eyelashes like a
backyard hammock. That is if you still have eyelashes left.

Well, that’s all a bit off track, and I didn’t mean to veer off into sharing
beauty secrets with you. Actually, I wasn’t even talking about looking
different in a ‘bad hair day’ kind of way. I mean really looking different.
And, not just the face; some day’s I swear I am shorter and fatter as well.
Some day’s my body doesn’t just look different if actually feels and acts
different. No, not just achy and fatigued but dense and heavy or
sometimes light and flexible. I mean different as in not my usual body – a
completely different body.

Is all of this just another mood? No, but some might explain this away as
a bad nights sleep, dehydration, stress or lack of oxygen.

Well, what about food: how do we explain that? Why do I crave foods that
I don’t usually like? I used to love Mars Bars and then one day I just
couldn’t even imagine eating one and I haven’t had one for years. Poof!
Just got up one day and thought, that’s it for me, I’m over Mars Bars.

Even people can be a bit tricky. Sometimes I adore my friends and we
laugh and talk and really love spending time together. The very next day,
they irritate me and everything I say comes out wrong or they
misunderstand what I say or sometimes we just don’t have anything to
say at all, and then I feel that they are strangers and I am uncomfortable
in their presence. Is that a mood? Is it my mood or theirs?

Then there are talents and abilities; like I was saying with the writing. I
can sit and write twelve A4 pages from start to finish without pausing
once to think – it just flows out of me. There are many days when I
cannot write at all and other days when it is as tough as pulling out my
own teeth. Many times I have to look up a dictionary to find a word that I
have forgotten how to spell. Why? How can that be?

Some days my brain is lightening quick. I can be so funny that I almost
pee my pants with witty clever remarks and the mirth and merriment they
generate. Sometimes I have moments of clarity and seem to articulate my
thoughts so succinctly that even I wonder how I knew what I said.

Last month, I realized I had forgotten how to drive a manual car. There
are times when I can’t sing in tune. Days when I can’t find things and
swear I am certain that I put them there. Of course, there are those other
days when my head is filled with cotton-wool and the simplest of tasks are
done in a heavy brain-fog. I can be so unmotivated that unless I can
convince myself that something is urgent I can easily talk myself into
staying in bed until noon and then renegotiate at lunchtime; based purely
on how hungry I am or how desperately I need to go to the bathroom.

We explain away moods so easily, but what about complete personality
changes, physical changes, inconsistent likes and dislikes, unpredictable
talents, lost knowledge, broken commitments and promises, outgrowing
relationships and all the other aspects of  being who we are when we are
not ourselves?

There is another closely related phenomenon that also has me thinking
that things are not as simple as we might like to believe. It is this: you put
the keys on the coffee table; you know you did, and you remember doing
so quite clearly, but apart from that, you always put your keys there, it’s
an auto-habit. Today they are not there. You replay the mental
surveillance tape in your mind and confirm that you definitely did put
them there. They are not there, but you can’t accept it so you push stuff
around and look under stuff until you convince yourself that they are not
there.

Ten minutes later you go back and they are there; clearly and obviously
there!

Sometimes I’m not there either: what I mean by that is that I am standing
still and then for absolutely no reason at all I tilt and lose my balance. I
feel like I was taken for a nano-second and not quite put back in the right
place. Other times I find myself walking into a room and reaching for
something and all of a sudden I ask “What did I come in here for?” My
brain doesn’t know but my hand continues to reach and then my brain
comes back and says “Oh yeah, that’s what I’m after!”

And what about deja vue? We have a name for that and yet we all we
say: oh it’s just daja vue, like we are supposed to agree that it is a thing
but we have all decided to blow it off as a trick of the mind. Is the mind a
joker or some kind of childish prankster? Is that what we mean - are we
comfortable with the concept that the mind plays tricks but are we unable
to accept that daja vue might be a natural or real thing?

Why do we see familiar faces or places in our imagination and dreams?
Again, we casually fob it of as: that’s just a dream or that’s just your
imagination. Well what does that mean? It doesn’t explain why or how
they come or why we feel we know these faces and places. It feels more
like remembering – a memory without any evidence to confirm that it is a
memory. It’s like a memory with a note that reads ‘that never happened!’
For that matter, how is it that we discern memory from imagination? Both
conjure up imagery, emotional responses and a sense of being real.

Some memories can be recalled but not all of them – where do lost
memories go? Could imagination be a different kind of memory? Shouldn’
t a real memory get priority over dreams or imagination? Another
interesting aspect of this is the shared memory; when two people
remember the one event but in a completely different way.

Sometimes you meet people you have never met but you know that you
know them, and then you dismiss it with: they must look like someone I
know – they are only similar, even though you can’t put a known face to
the unknown face.

There are young children showing up more frequently these days with
unexplainable talents; five year olds playing classical music, painting
masterpieces and doing mathematical formulas faster than calculators.
No one can explain it so they just shrug and say how unusual it is.

When people have psychic experiences like premonitions, clairvoyance
or clairaudience, they absolutely know that they felt, saw or heard what
they did but most of the time they talk themselves away from it by shaking
their heads and telling themselves they imagined it. That must be
another trick of the mind.

Are coincidences tricks or mathematical formulas or sign posts? There is
so much stuff going on but we rarely talk about it and when we do we so
casually explain it all away with socially acceptable rationale. We would
rather accept that we have dementia than admit or accept that we hear
voices, see visions or channel information. It’s okay to talk about
coincidences, da ja vue, mood changes, lost memories, imagination and
dreams, tricks of the mind and changing the mind. For some reason
these things make sense to us even though they don’t really make any
more sense than saying I have multiple people living inside me and each
day I download or upload who and what I need for that day.

This conversation began one morning when I said to my friend Michelle
that I was going back to bed to try and wake up in a different mood. I felt I
had awoken mid dream and not quite landed in my body; spacey headed
or out of alignment. We had previously discussed multi-dimensional
realities, concepts of time and space, the possibility of the past and
future being in the present, akashic records, karmic debts and… other
light reading. So, it didn’t faze her when I said I had woken up in my 27th
self.

Twenty seven is not the factual number, there is no definitive number; it
could be infinite or set or abstract.

On that particular day, I felt that I had twenty seven different personalities
living inside me, like a collage of my self rather than a photograph of
myself. Any one or a number of them could have been at the helm, but
that morning, the dominant me was wishy washy, vague and scattered; a
random download and an unsuitable one.

I can’t really identify, count or name all of my I’s, so I have them loosely
numbered. Most often each personality is a composite, like number 4
could be titled the mother self; wise, patient, domestic, playful, nurturing
etc. She dresses casually, runs errands and keeps the home in order.
Number 2 is girlfriend self; talks on the phone, jokes, philosophises,
socializes and plays. Usually each self is pretty consistent – one for work,
home, community - public face or private face and so on.

Dreaming might be a process of reporting back to the mother-ship and re-
organizing and compiling the next days mix. Maybe that’s why we feel so
scattered or ungrounded if we wake up too quickly or don’t get a proper
nights sleep. It could well explain why sleep deprivation causes people to
act so ‘unlike’ themselves.

Michelle was intrigued and offered her take on my 27 I’s theory. “This
crazy conversation makes sense when you think about relationships” she
said. That’s probably why most couples fight or separate. Imagine if your
number 16 is attracted to someone else’s 14 and then one or both
change into a different I – no wonder we clash. Haven’t we all wondered
‘Who are you’ of our nearest and dearest. Haven’t we all said things and
thought ‘who said that’ or ‘where did that come from’? Wouldn’t that
explain why previously wonderful jobs become intolerable even though
nothing changed? Sometimes we can do a task with ease and other
times we can’t even begin. Music will give us pleasure one day and
irritate us the next.

Dreams might appear to be the big warehouse of potential downloads but
isn’t it also possible that we could just telepathically put out an order?
Pull information or talents from history or even from the future or from
each other? Is it possible that savants and geniuses have mastered this
ability? Is it possible that we could all tap in to Beethoven, Michelangelo,
Einstein or any other entity or non entity? Isn’t consciousness an infinite
pool of every thought, feeling and action that has ever existed or may
ever exist and then more…

Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong or maybe a bit of both. You think I’m
crazy and I’ll say I’m quirky. Maybe this was then and I am not me and
you are not thee. Maybe it’s all been said before and maybe it doesn’t
even matter. But, at least I managed to finish this little discourse.

Oh, 24 wrote this, even though 22 would have been less frivolous and
would have stayed to do a more thorough editing, but 23 just stepped in
and wants to go out and play and 24 is easily led.


Copyright Sonya Green
www.reinventingmyself.com
Sonya Green

27 of Me
A different understanding of moods.
Need a personality change?

by Sonya Green
reinventingmyself.com
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